


the rules of love

by komet



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung | Jr., Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, GOT7 Song References, M/M, Minor GOT7 (Ensemble), Revised Version, Slice of Life, Soft Im Jaebum | JB, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, also jaebum likes to call jinyoung baby wbk, im bad at tagging but this is decent i swear, revised 6/20/19, they fight n make up, theyre very soft and grossly in love, vague metaphors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-26 20:04:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17148254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/komet/pseuds/komet
Summary: over the years, jinyoung has learned some of the many faces of im jaebum. he’s learned how to work with him as a colleague, how to love him like a brother, and how to fall in love with him. he learns him in pieces, and so he makes these rules similarly.in short: three rules on how to love im jaebum, written and revised by park jinyoung.





	the rules of love

**Author's Note:**

> i'm a lil nervous uploading my first kpop fic, but hi here she is and she craves validation.  
> (a little disclaimer before we start, this concept was heavily inspired by @apocryphic's lovely overwatch fic, so make sure to show them some love uwu)  
> enjoy!

 

over the years, jinyoung has learned some of the many faces of im jaebum. he’s learned how to work with him as a colleague, how to connect with him as a friend, how to love him like a brother, and finally, how to fall in love with him. he’s still learning, really, on all of those fronts. they all weave through and around each other in this  breathtakingly embroidered tapestry that is im jaebum. 

jinyoung’s always been analytical. always been a thinker, always makes sure that he’s two steps ahead of everyone around him so that nobody got the chance to trip him up. so understandably, he hadn’t been prepared for one man to throw all that off, to get him stumbling over his own feet so badly that he can barely even keep pace. but then, that’s jaebum, isn’t it? 

because of this, he’s comprised himself a list of sorts. maybe a rule book, maybe a guide, but it’s always in progress, always changing. he learns im jaebum in pieces, and he makes these rules similarly. there’s more to it—more to _jaebum_ —than his little list, of course. so much more, that he thinks it will take a lifetime if he wants to know it all. but that’s okay, he always corrects himself. they have time. 

what he has learned, though, is simple and yet at the same time it is blinding in its complexity. 

they’ve known each other a long time. they’ve taken so many steps forward and so many steps back, but they’ve never lost sight of each other. 

sometimes jinyoung wonders how. maybe it’s because they’re both scared, both have too much to lose. or maybe it’s just because they both know how to play this game, how to save themselves from getting hurt. maybe it’s none of those things or maybe it’s all of them.

sometimes, though, when he wonders, he rethinks his list. recently he’s had to consider three of his rules in particular. 

 

* * *

 

_when_ _he_ _doesn’t_ _want_ _to_ _talk_ , _he_ _won’t_. 

  * _EDIT_ : _he’ll_ _talk_ _to_ _you_. 




 

comebacks are always hard on all of them. it’s a hectic schedule, living half the day at the dance studio and the other half at the recording studio, and then pulling time from nowhere to squeeze in photoshoots, interviews, fansigns, music video shoots. their sleep schedule dwindles to just short of nothing, and all seven of them gear into overdrive. 

they love their jobs, all of them, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t tough. that doesn’t mean jinyoung doesn’t have those days where his alarm blares after so precious few hours of sleep and he doubts that he can make it out of bed. days where his cold mask hardens into marble and he gets so quiet, doesn’t function outside of work. of course he has those days. everyone does, even if they all deal with it differently. still, rarely does anyone burden themselves heavier than jaebum. 

he swears, those shoulders must carry the weight of the world on them. 

it’s one of jaebum’s days. he’s distant today, tired. it’s only a test run of the choreography, but he moves around the studio silently. jinyoung asks him quietly if he’s slept. jaebum just looks at him, then turns to tell jackson he’s in the wrong position. jinyoung doesn’t take it to heart. 

he does, however, follow jaebum to his office when the elder ducks out of the room as soon as the practice is over. jaebum doesn’t say anything as jinyoung walks with him, and the latter doesn’t expect him to. he’ll wait and see if miraculously, jaebum speaks first. that’s one more thing he’s learned—he should always wait before he starts to push. give jaebum some time to collect his thoughts, let him decide if he wants to open up on his own. if he doesn’t, then jinyoung prods gently until the older talks to him.

 it’s a bit of a meticulous process, a tentative dance around each other that jinyoung is so very careful not to misstep. 

they walk into the office, and jinyoung can practically hear jaebum thinking. so much goes on in that head of his. it’s lucky, isn’t it, that jinyoung is patient enough to wait and find out what. 

jaebum crosses over to his desk, sinks down into the chair and turns it to face his monitors. jinyoung is less decisive in his movements, walking on over and just lightly resting his arms across the back of the chair. he doesn’t touch jaebum yet—nine times out of ten, that’s the right move, but that odd chance is significant enough that jinyoung has decided that it’s always best to get a feel for his mood first. there are so many intricacies like this that go into their relationship, and jinyoung is so careful to remember each and every one. 

he waits, and waits and waits. jaebum simmers and clicks at his mouse, but he isn’t actually doing much. he’s started messing around with tracks he’s working on, the volume low but still heard in the drifting silence of the room. it takes just over five minutes of this before the older speaks—jinyoung knows, he’s been watching the clock. 

“jinyoung.” it’s said quietly, and maybe it’s because it was only one word that jinyoung can’t quite get a read on his tone. 

their little dance of sorts, it starts now, and jinyoung takes care to get every move right. the music plays softly from the computer, and jinyoung finds that it parallels the ballads found in the beat of his own heart. 

“hmm?” he hums in automatic response, looking down at jaebum. or more accurately, the top of his head. the chair starts to turn now so jinyoung leans back, gives jaebum the room to swivel and face him. 

the tempo picks up, they step faster in their unspoken dance of hesitant looks and cautious words. _careful_ , _careful_ , _careful._..

“come here,” he murmurs, and jinyoung obliges—of course he does—, letting jaebum draw him down into his lap. he wraps his arms around the leader’s shoulders, one hand lifting to card through his hair. jaebum’s arms come around his waist, keeping jinyoung pulled firmly against  him. it’s during this that he notes that jaebum hasn’t quite looked him in the eye yet, and he still doesn’t. the older one is looking at some undetermined spot on the floor, and jinyoung decides that now is the time to start pushing. 

the beat gets a little louder. it’s on him to lead now.

“hyung,” he says, and the hand in jaebum’s hair now comes down to his jaw. jinyoung doesn’t lift his head, but it serves as enough of an indicator for jaebum to do it himself. and he does; he looks up at jinyoung now, who finally gets a proper look at his face. 

there are shadows sweeping beneath his eyes, underneath jinyoung’s thumb that brushes gently over his skin. his eyes look tired and he’s still caught in that routine where he’ll mask his expression with something stony and distant, but overall he hasn’t changed. jinyoung can tell that much, at least. so slowly, carefully, he leans down to press a kiss to his lips. it’s as familiar and easy as breathing, a gentle beckoning for jaebum to come back to him. he holds it until the tension bleeds out, until jinyoung hears him let out a sigh. jaebum’s jaw relaxes and his shoulders drop, and jinyoung knows that’s the green light he’s waited for. 

he pulls back, and jaebum looks at him again, except this time they really see each other. the dance continues, but the song is winding down. 

“talk to me.” he urges, brushes jaebum’s hair away from his face, encourages him silently in ways even he isn’t aware of. 

the music fades to silence. jaebum talks, and jinyoung listens.  

* * *

 

_he_ _doesn’t_ _like_ _to_ _be_ _soft_.

  * _EDIT_ : _you_ _just_ _have_ _to_ _let_ _him_.




 

jinyoung has known jaebum for a long time. he’s spent countless hours with him in the studio, on stage, at home, filming for this or that, you name it. he’s known jaebum for longer than he’s known a fair amount of his friends, and they’ve intimately seen sides of each other that the other members only catch glimpses of. 

he’s seen jaebum get angry; he’d been with him the time he put his fist through the wall. he’s seen jaebum exhausted, pushing himself way too hard for way too long; jinyoung’s had to coax him many times into coming to bed with him. only a handful of times, really, but he’s found jaebum crying; he’s stayed with him until he was quiet, every single time. jinyoung’s seen what lives behind the curtain of the grand stage that jaebum puts on for others—he’s seen more than he realizes. 

but of course, before he’d seen what goes on in the quiet moments, jinyoung became well acquainted with the man in the mask. stoic, intimidating, serious, stubborn, focused. that’s the first impression, the impression that jaebum leaves on everybody at passing glance. and to a fair extent, all of those words do ring true. 

he’s not soft. he’s not, until you let him be.

jaebum is hesitant, letting his guard down like that. jinyoung thinks it’s because he worries that isn’t what people expect from him, not what they want from him. so in front of cameras, in front of others, jaebum is subtler. it’s an arm around jackson’s shoulders at the airport, words of encouragement when mark has trouble understanding. it’s his willingness to cook for youngjae at any odd hour of the day, his reliable strength for all of them. 

when the cameras are off, he steps out a little more. he’s touchier and more relaxed,  less inclined to shy away from affection. 

when he’s with jinyoung? that’s a different story—but in some ways, he supposes, it isn’t. 

  

the seven of them have just finished up with a dinner payed for by the company, a well-earned moment of rest for their hard work these past few months. it’s nice for all of them, and jinyoung has been careful with how much he drinks, but there’s something to be said for the fact that he does at all. he’s happy tonight, really and truly, and that is no small victory. 

they’re making their way outside, and jinyoung smiles fondly as he watches jaebum talk animatedly to mark. he’ll never get tired of just watchingjaebum, even through the most usual of movements. there’s something captivating in the way he gestures with his hands, the passionate energy in his voice and the spark of his eyes. it’s dark out, and there aren’t many people out on the streets now, but jinyoung still isn’t quite expecting it when jaebum reaches for his hand. they look at each other briefly and jaebum’s eyes have lit up a little, so of course jinyoung holds his hand. and he smiles like a damn fool, too, glancing off as jaebum turns back to mark. 

blessedly, their day doesn’t start until late afternoon tomorrow, so they’ve decided for no particular reason that they’re all coming home to the dorm tonight. that means they don’t have to say goodbye to bambam, jackson and youngjae, which is...nice, really. it makes jinyoung happier than he cares to admit. they reach the car and nobody contests jinyoung when he goes for shotgun, probably too distracted with whatever jackson is rambling about in a flurry of tipsy exclamations. jaebum opens the door for him and jinyoung hides a small laugh behind his hand, giving him a quiet thanks as he gets into the car; he’s glad that he doesn’t miss jaebum’s returning smile. the leader climbs into the driver’s seat and jinyoung checks that everyone made it into the car before they take off. 

the car ride offers him white noise in the form of his members’ chatter behind him, the occasionally shrieking and fits of hyena-like laughter familiar to him. he’s completely content like this, listening distantly while his eyes follow the blurry shapes out the window. it’s moments like these, the ones that don’t seem like much but mean everything; these are the moments that he holds on to when things get rough and his mind starts coming up with too many unneeded questions. these are the moments that give him answers. 

once again, jaebum manages to catch him off guard. he intertwines their fingers again, raising his arm to press a kiss to jinyoung’s knuckles before he’s resting their joined hands against the console. he looks back to the road unbothered, but it gives jinyoung an oddly profound moment of pause. it’s such a simple endearment and certainly not the first time it’s happened, so jinyoung doesn’t know why he blushes, but he does, and he doesn’t know why he can’t get this stupid smile off his face, but he can’t. 

by the time they get home and get everyone inside, it’s about time for jinyoung to turn in. he tells this to jaebum and the older wraps an arm low around his waist to pull him into his side, tilts his head to kiss him on the forehead and asks with the faintest hesitance if jinyoung wants to sleep in his room tonight. in all honesty, jinyoung finds it endearing, considering how long they’ve been together. he chuckles, agrees readily, leads jaebum down the hall. 

“you’re cute when you get like that, you know.” jinyoung tosses over his shoulder as he steps into jaebum’s room, words teasing and smile warm as he glances back at him. he does so just in time to catch jaebum’s little eyeroll, though he is not quite able to react fast enough when he sees the older reach out. 

“oh—jaebum!” jinyoung lets out a startled laugh as jaebum wraps his arms around his middle and leans back all in one motion, effectively taking jinyoung clear off the ground. the leader smothers him with kisses pressed to his cheek, his neck, the side of his head, anywhere he can reach with jinyoung laughing and trying in vain to twist away from him. he squeezes his arms around jinyoung’s waist and the younger whines, only to let out a little huff as jaebum hauls him unceremoniously over to the bed and drops him there. jinyoung’s face is hot and he figures his cheeks must be awfully pink by now, so he shoots jaebum an affronted look that only serves to prompt a laugh from the other. 

“oh, i know, baby. i’m just terrible.” jaebum teases as he crosses over to his dresser, which leaves jinyoung the space to recover. he’s still got laughter threatening to bubble out from the warmth in his chest but he tosses back a huffy retort anyway. 

“the worst!” jinyoung agrees with a solemn nod as he leans up on his elbows, pushing his hair away from his forehead. he hears jaebum let out another chuckle and he smiles, shaking his head as he watches jaebum again. it’s just the broad slope of his shoulders, the simple movement as he gets out a change of clothes, the way he absentmindedly hums to himself as he does—it’s the _smallest_  of things get jinyoung’s heart beating just that little bit faster, and he’s reminded all over again that he loves this man. sometimes that’s still crazy to him, and it’s not uncommon for him to have random moments where he realizes again _oh_ , _shit_ , _i’m_ _totally_ _in_ _love_ _with_ _you_. 

meanwhile the older one changes into a t-shirt and sweatpants, and jinyoung is just about to complain about his own clothes, but apparently jaebum’s already considered it. he turns and tosses a hoodie to jinyoung, who notes with a satisfied hum that it’s his favorite one of jaebum’s.

“am i gonna get that back at some point?” jaebum teases as he shuffles back over to the bed, and jinyoung gives a hum of feigned contemplation as he sits up to pull his shirt over his head. 

“maybe if i’m feeling generous.” jinyoung tells him with a shrug, tugging the hoodie on and then shimmying out of his pants. blessedly, it makes jaebum laugh again, and the sound is soft and warm and it makes jinyoung’s heart squeeze like he’s a teenager again, falling head over heels. honestly, he can’t believe how far gone he is. 

the bed dips as jaebum clambers in next to jinyoung and flops down with a grunt, while the latter is turned plugging his phone in on the nightstand. it’s now that jaebum brings an arm around him and pulls him down with him, and jinyoung lets it happen, just slinging an arm over the leader’s waist pliantly as he’s enveloped in jaebum’s warmth.

“nyoungie,” he coos, and jinyoung hums as he lifts his head to look up at him. it’s dark but he can make out the gentle curve of a smile on jaebum’s lips, and then jinyoung’s heart is bursting a little as the older steals him away in a quick kiss. he pulls back and they just look at each other in the quiet space left between them, jinyoung tracing absentminded patterns into jaebum’s back, while the older’s hand comes up to play with jinyoung’s hair. 

it’s the way jaebum looks at him, like he’s the most precious thing in the world, that makes jinyoung feel like he’s home. that he’s happy, that there’s not a thing he would change because he can be okay with all the bad, as long as he’s got this. 

_gosh_ , when did he get this sappy? a couple years ago he’d practically gag if he ever heard someone say something like that. it’s almost scary, how one man has managed to change everything for jinyoung. 

“goodnight, hyung.” jinyoung murmurs in the softest voice, pecking him on the lips again before turning over on his other side. jaebum doesn’t miss a beat before he’s pulling jinyoung back into his chest to curl around him, and the younger lets out a soft sigh of contentment. in a low voice jaebum says the words back, tucks his face against jinyoung’s neck, and the two of them relax into the lullaby of one another’s heartbeats and soft breaths into the night’s quiet. 

 it’s just like that that they find themselves tangled up come morningtime, and jinyoung thinks that this might just be his easiest rule to stick by.  

* * *

 

_it’s_ _okay_ _to_ _argue_ ; _everyone_ _does_ _it_. 

  * _EDIT:_ _he_ _says_ _things_ _he_ _doesn’t_ _mean._ _don’t_ _take_ _it_ _personally._

  * _NOTE:_ _you_ _should_ _never_ _go_ _to_ _bed_ _angry_ _at_ _each_ _other._




 

jaebum’s temper is a finicky thing, a bit notorious among both the group and the fans. over the years, the six of them have become well acquainted with the jutted jaw, the stiff shoulders and snapping tone, and handling jaebum when he’s worked up like that is treated similarly to defusing a bomb. that is, very carefully trying to appease him, or like most people would have half a mind to do--clear the hell out. 

it’s not that jaebum’s _explosive_ , or even particularly easy to set off. he used to be, but he’s grown now and he’s gotten better. he’s patient, and he’s got a high tolerance for most things. however, if his buttons get pushed too many times for too long, that temper of his will rise along with the flush in his cheeks and really, it’s all you can do to hope you aren’t the object of that wrath. 

now, _most_ of them just shut their mouths and stay out of the way when jaebum gets into that danger zone. it’s not worth the fight. still, the emphasis is on most, there, because jinyoung’s never been that type of person—he doesn’t roll over and submit just because he doesn’t want to piss jaebum off. and he doesn’t want to, of course, but leader or not, if the elder needs to be called out then jinyoung will be the one to step up. 

jinyoung himself, he hasn’t got such a temper, but he stands his damn ground and he’s _petty_. he tends to take arguments heavily, and he carries the negative emotions around with him as a constant reminder until he feels the issue's been resolved. he doesn't do it on purpose, really, he doesn't. his mind just takes these things and twists them into a tangled mess inside of him and it weighs so heavy on his heart even if he seems to just brush it off. 

that being said, fights with jaebum are worse. they've always been worse. 

they’ve lived together for so long, know each other so well, trust each other with their lives. it’s that fact that makes it hurt so horribly when things get bad and they lose their patience. they know how to get personal, how to strike a nerve and then keep pushing that boundary until it’s just too far. it’s not often that they fight— _actually_  fight, not just those snippy exchanges when one of them’s a little irritated—but needless to say, when they do, it isn’t pretty. it never is. thank god they love each other enough to swallow their pride, to forgive and forget. that’s not how it is in the moment, though. not in this moment. 

because sometimes they fight, and sometimes they say things they don’t mean. 

jinyoung doesn’t even realize he’s said it, until the slam of the front door crashes like a gunshot and startles him out of his anger-induced haze. he’s left in shock, those three words still dripping like poison off of his tongue.

_i_ _hate_ _you._

the gravity of these words comes back to him with the welling of tears in his eyes, and his hands shake for a different reason now as they come up to his face. he didn’t mean to say it. he didn’t. but the world is cruel and does not care what he _meant_  to say, so it does nothing to change the fact that he said it all the same, and not a moment had passed before jaebum had turned and was out the door. 

he’ll be back. jinyoung knows he’s just gone for a drive; of course he’ll be back. but that doesn’t stop the crushing wave of emotion that rolls over him now, and his hand is the only thing to stifle the choked sob that threatens to spill from his lips. how could he say that? he doesn’t hate jaebum, jesus, of course he doesn’t. he could never, not if he tried (and he has).

he’s dimly aware that he’s on the ground now, the coffee table digging into his back as he leans his weight against it. he’s granted the mercy of being left alone, at least, able to collect himself in peace as he tries with everything in him to keep the tears away. the other two have holed up in their own rooms, as is custom when jinyoung and jaebum go at it. sometimes one or both of them will come out to assess the damage of the bomb blast, and to pick up the shrapnel left behind. 

not this time, though. jinyoung’s left to heave with misery all by himself, and he’s grateful for that. he doesn’t cry after arguments; he’s not that type of person. but god, he can’t stop himself now, coming apart at the seams and shaking uncontrollably as he wipes and wipes and wipes away the tears that just keep coming. 

jinyoung went too far. he’s gone too far and he doesn’t know what he’s meant to do now. what’s the rule for this? what’s the rule for when you say something like that? there’s not one. there’s not one, there’s no rule for this, no guidelines for him to follow here, and he hates it. he hates it. why isn’t there a rule? is there one for when he can’t stop _crying_? he can’t remember. 

he sits there, and he cries, and he pours his heart out to nobody but these four walls that have held so many secrets for them all these years. he sits there and he cries until he can’t anymore, and he doesn’t know how long it is until he moves to his bedroom, but he gets there eventually. 

jaebum still isn’t back yet. that’s okay. jinyoung doesn’t know what to say. he needs time to go over his rules. 

 

• • • 

 

it’s late. jinyoung’s not asleep, of course. because he’s thought over the list and remembered the condition under the rule about arguing—he can’t go to sleep without fixing this first. that’s not just his own rule, because they’ve both settled on it, that they shouldn’t go to bed angry at each other. that always makes it worse the next day, and the day after and the day after until somebody breaks and apologizes. no, no, they don’t do that anymore. they don’t let it happen. 

so it’s late, and he’s not asleep, and jaebum’s still not home yet. he’s done crying, done being angry with himself for doing it in the first place, and he’s done checking his phone for the text that he knows won’t be there. 

he’s laying in bed now, fighting himself on when he’ll pick up the phone again and make the call himself. he hadn’t started that fight, but damn if he hadn’t finished it. jaebum said some things too, nasty things that made his heart wrench, but jinyoung’s still the one who said that. he’s still the one that didn’t do anything but cry when jaebum had walked out that door, the one who’s stillnot doing anything. 

jinyoung’s not sure how long he lays there, facing the wall and staring at nothing, when he hears the door open. his heart leaps into his throat and his whole body goes rigid, but he doesn’t move. he knows it’s jaebum—mark would have knocked and yugyeom would have said something already—but he doesn’t move, not even when he feels jaebum sit on the edge of the bed, not when the silence starts to become suffocating. jinyoung has to remind himself to breathe again. 

“are you awake?” 

jaebum’s voice is soft, and it doesn’t do much to bridge that gaping silence separating the two of them. jinyoung’s not sure why he asked—he’s clearly not sleeping. still, he doesn’t say anything. 

he hears jaebum sigh behind him, imagines that he’s nodding to himself in that contemplative way he does sometimes. the silence returns for a moment, settling into every available pocket of air in this room. jinyoung wonders why jaebum’s come to him, wonders what conclusion he’d come to while he was on that drive. he wonders what jaebum intends to say to him. it hurts to have the thought. 

“you’re not still mad at me, are you?” jaebum asks, and jinyoung would’ve assumed he’s being mocked, if the elder hadn’t said it so delicately. he closes his eyes tight. 

jinyoung doesn’t think he is. jaebum had come close to crossing a couple lines himself, and he’d backed jinyoung up into the corner that caused him to burst out with what he did. so no, jinyoung’s not the only one at fault and he’s got plenty to be mad at jaebum for. but it all falls away when he thinks about what he said, because in the wake of that there’s not much room for him to be angry. no, he’s not still mad at him. 

so how come he still doesn’t say anything? 

he stays quiet, eyes closed and body tense. seconds or minutes or hours pass, it’s all the same, and jaebum just sits at the edge of the bed, waiting—or maybe he’s not expecting anything at all. jaebum breaks the silence one more time, and then he’s getting up. the sigh he lets out is heavy with a weary sort of hurt. 

“..alright, i’ll see you in the morning.” he mutters, and the way he pauses makes it sound like he’s got something just on the tip of his tongue, and it takes another heavy moment before he gets it out. “i’m sorry, jinyoung.” 

there’s _something_  there in his tone, and if jinyoung hadn’t been listening so closely he would’ve missed the last part entirely, it was spoken so quietly. his eyes open with the realization of the words and he knows it’s no small thing—apologies are hard for the both of them. maybe that’s what finally gets him into motion, all but scrambling to sit up in the same moment as he calls a soft,  _wait_.

the room is dark save for the moonlight stretching through the half-open blinds, and it feels too cold in here but jinyoung dismisses that. he watches jaebum pause by the door, and as they meet eyes jinyoung stops wondering why the elder had come here. he figures out what the something was in jaebum’s voice. he knows now. 

he’d come to make sure jinyoung hadn’t meant it. 

“wait, please.” he says again, and jaebum’s hand drops from the doorknob. it’s his turn to be quiet now and he stands there and looks at jinyoung, who tries not to fall apart again. he’s so tired. it feels too cold in here. 

he figures with the way they’re angled jaebum has a better view of him, because jinyoung can’t see much through the shadows over the elder’s face. so maybe jaebum sees the way his lip wobbles while he tries to think of something to say, and maybe jaebum sees the way his hands have curled into tight fists so that they won’t shake so much. maybe that’s what brings him away from the door, back around to the side of the bed. whatever it is, jinyoung’s grateful for it. 

jinyoung’s sat up on his knees, and they’re facing each other now. he can’t think of anything to say—there’s no rule to help him with that—so he doesn’t say anything. instead, he reaches out slowly, carefully, _so_ carefully. his hands feel a little numb, maybe from the cold, but it still registers when they’re enveloped in jaebum’s. the elder takes his hands, soothes over the backs of them while jinyoung holds his breath. he’s gracious enough to speak again, so gentle when he does, even if it’s just three simple words. 

“it’s okay, jinyoung.” 

and that’s all it takes. 

jinyoung huffs with the tightness in his throat, the tears that he’s just too tired to shed, as he surges forward into jaebum. his heart is aching and bleeding its sorrow like venom all throughout his body, but jinyoung just throws his arms around the other’s neck and shakes and trembles and holds onto him tight. he thinks vaguely that for some reason it doesn’t feel so cold now but he doesn’t pay that much mind, not when jaebum’s arms come around him and he shushes him so softly. 

“i didn’t mean it, i promise i didn’t.” he’s speaking in a jumbled rush before he can help it, because a dam has broken now and there’s no stopping it. “i didn’t even mean to _say_  it, do you believe me? please, do you believe me, hyung?” jinyoung gasps out, halfway frantic as he leans back to look up at him, not even bothering to hate himself for getting like this. he never falls apart like this, but this is ripping him to shreds and he needs jaebum to tell him—tell him what? fuck, he doesn’t know but he just..just needs _something_. 

“shh, shh, i know, baby, i believe you. it’s okay, you’re okay, jinyoungie..” jaebum soothes, a warm hand coming up to jinyoung’s face now, thumb brushing over his cheekbones, wiping away the tears that managed to spill. jinyoung still shakes, but he knows it’s not from the cold now. 

“i’m sorry.” jinyoung whispers it like a prayer, a secret that rings holy and true. the words leave him with the rest of his energy, and he’s too drained to hurt anymore—or maybe that’s got more to do with jaebum than anything else. 

then a hand comes under jinyoung’s jaw and jaebum’s lips taste like coming home, like silent promises and an unspoken forgiveness. jinyoung’s not shaking so much anymore, and a blinding relief spreads through him. it’s okay now. jaebum’s here and he told him it’s okay, and jinyoung believes him because he can’t afford not to. 

they pull away and that’s fine too, because it’s not cold anymore and he’s not shaking now. a silent plea passes in the gentle quiet and jaebum understands, because he lays down and draws jinyoung into his chest, and he doesn’t ask him for anything more than what he’s already given; and he’s given jaebum everything of him tonight. 

fights with jaebum have always been worse.  they know each other too well, know how to hurt each other the worst. so they fight, and they say things they don’t mean, but that’s alright, because they also know how to forgive, and they know how to love each other through all the bad times. sometimes the rules don’t always work perfectly, and they don’t need to, because he and jaebum always make up for the difference. they’re okay, because they know how to love each other without them. 

**Author's Note:**

> how was that?? any questions, comments, concerns? let me know, help me improve!


End file.
